Postcard from Starcrash

In a moment of madness, I watched Starcrash, a 1978 movie that redefines dreadful. I read that it was a "cult movie", so I probably should have been warned. It's what Starwars could have been if the budget barely broke 6 figures, the writing was terrible and the acting worse. It has Marjoe Gortner, David Hasslehof and Christopher Plumber who, I'm sure, couldn't have needed the money that badly. The high point for me is Caroline Munroe who, along with Gortner is sentenced to hard labour. She gets to wear thigh-length boots and a bikini on some prison planet, but of course everyone else is dressed normally. After a whole 12 hours labour she escapes, hair and makeup intact.

Later she meets a race of Amazons who also wear bikinis and have a taste for melodrama and bad acting. Then she gets chased by a large metal and obviously female robot with huge nipples. Hoff eventually appears (as a prince no less) while Gortner uses his light sabre to attack the bad guys's meccano-look robots.

The worst part of the movie is perhaps the heavy melodrama. Nothing is said lightly, it's all laden with deep meaning and glances into the distance. Second must be the latex, way too many people are rquired to wear it in this disturbed vision of the future. Even for a 1978 movie made in Italy, there was a lot of latex, bikinis and pouting.

Overall, I felt the movie was a bit like a car crash, you know it's dreadful but you can't look away. It might help to remember that the phrase "cult movie" is often used as a replacement for "bad movie".

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